Holy shits over open fire! This band is just so fucking cool it's unbelievable. There was no other choice than to do an interview, and I'm bloody glad Silvester wanted to do it. Enjoy the master couch potato's wisdom.
We did the interview by email. As usual I have no idea when we started it, but I received the last answer on the 20th of July.

Yo, Silvester!
Could you start this interview off by presenting the madmen that is Fondlecorpse? Let people know who�s answering the questions, and who the rest of the members are�

Hey man, well basically i am a couchpotatoe, a dirty disgusting little man, a dwarf addicted to fastfood, soda�s, popcorn and watching as many horror/gore/b-movies as i can and oldschool cartoons. My Garbage Pailkid name is Sly Pigsty, Krite the drummer is an escaped Critter always hiding from intergalactic bountyhunters, Bas our Guitarist is a thrashing madman of a mashed thrashed potatoe, and Mathijs our Bassist creates sleazy bass riffs while moshing all over the place like a potatoe out of hell, both Bas and Mathijs also play in dutch Deaththrash unit Inkblack. Fondlecorpse�s band concept is pretty much that we play old school goremetal, plain and simple, that is about PURE SPLATTER B-MOVIE GORE and 80?s Thrashculture!!!!!!!, Lyrically we range from 80's cartoons and Television series, to every aspect of Gore/horror/ Splatter/Slasher/Shit and ofcorpse a bunch of Pornstuffs. Basically everything a couchpotatoe person would care about!!!

Hahaha. You sound like my kinda guy, if I�d swing that way, but maybe I will for you! haha
You�re looking for a live-drummer, as Krite is afraid of playing live�? What? How the hell does that work? Mind explaining?
And you also say you don�t need a lazy ass for the job, but still you present yourself as a couchpotato�

Hahaha, well Krite is a tiny little intergalactic furball with a tiny drumkit, most places cant mic up his drums because they're too small, besides Krite is still in hiding for the bountyhunters that are after his furry ass. So we are looking for a human drummer to help out on tours. And you make a valid point, however even a couchpotatoe has some goals in life for which he will make a 100% effort. We are couchpotatoe�s but what our music is concerned we go all the way and are 100% motivated. Being a couchpotatoe is a lifestyle but it isn�t just being lazy there�s more to the artform of being a couchpotatoe;) the ways of the couchpotatoe are mysterious.

Haha, yeah� Isn�t there a saying that goes something like that? �The couchpotato works in mysterious ways�� ;)
Ahh, that explains it. I knew Krite wasn�t chicken; it�s those damn bountyhunters. But Krite has got quite an interesting bio, escaping from an intergalactic maximum-security asteroid prison, and all. What god-awful crime got him sentenced to that place?

Hahaha yeah the saying is copyrighted to us and passed to us by the giant Mr. Potatoehead from hell. Yeah we need to keep Krite from getting killed, and well also he gets excited from playing live and he tend to go into uncontrolable feeding frenzies. So we have to protect our audience. If he eats our fans who will be left to buy our junk!!!! As for his sentance, Krite and his mates got drunk and ate a few towns worth of people on a planet so they got sentanced to the prison asteroid. But luckilly they escaped, only Krite escaped from the farming ville massacre in the 80�s and we found him in a shed and he joined up with our grinding gore unit.

You had tons of line-up changes over the first few years, which fucked-up any attempts of recording. Do you now feel that you�ve got a steady line-up, except for the Krite/bountyhunter-issue?
So far this line-up has released more stuff and kept together longer than any previous line-ups. But i guess most bands who have been around for a while have the same problems. Line-up changes always are depressing, especially if you just finished enough material for a cd and the shit falls apart. We seem to be a tight unit now and hopefully we will be around for a while yet and release more sick shit.

You�ve got tons of upcoming releases, so I suppose the labels consider your music to be fair and all right. What�s the response from fans? Or maybe you�ve fed them all to Krite.
And are you guys happy with the music you�ve created so far, or will we notice any big changes on the upcoming stuff?

Yeah it�s kinda puzzling why people like us, it keeps surprising me hahaha. We have a fuckload of releases planned and still getting asked for shit, i bet this is just a dream and ill wake up at any moment and find out we sold one EP to my momma and everybody hates us hahaha. As far as the fans who contacted us so far are awesome, a big selection of freaks like us. They seem to like what we do and the support they give us is gigantic. Without them we would be nothing they really ARE our couchpotatoe army!!!!!!. And well as far as the music. I am happy with our stuff sofar but there is always room for progression and adding more insanity to our music. I hope to include lots more insane vocals next time. As far as big changes, i dont think so, ive been playing this style all my life and i don�t see it changing ever fuck change i am gonna go extinct like the dinosaurs!!!!!

Haha, right on!
Any upcoming release that you�re more exited about than others? Not that not all of your offers are cool, but maybe some where really cool and made you go YEEE-FUCKING-HAA, I don�t know.

Well i would say the split with Engorged is one of the releases that made me go FUCK YEAH, their cool guys and i was a big fan of em for a while so it�s cool to jam with them on a release and we�ve become good mates. But also if we do a split release we are friends with the people in the bands and know them so we are sure it will be a fucking blast, i am looking forward also to work with Neil and the Frightmare guys. And a split people don't know much about yet but which will rule is a split with Japanese thrashers Zombie Ritual. Fondlecorpse is about having fun, and if we do a release with another band we make sure its a fucking blast too.

If you could choose any band, still playing or since long forgotten, to do a split with, which would it be? I find that question to be a bit interesting, hehe�
Impetigo pure and simple, good band and good people who never let fans down. We aspire to be like them in our ideology of a band.

Oh� If you find a live-drummer you�re really happy with, will you still continue to use Krite for the studio stuff? Too afraid not to? Hehe
Well we have been looking for a drummer for ages, and there have been a few in the past but they almost all sucked or let me down horrible (aka read being stabbed in the fucking back). Fondlecorpse needs help from the Krite because there is NOBODY else who is good enough to step up to the plate. The Krite is on drums because of necessity, i would learn to drum but my knees are busted beyond repair so no way in hell can i ever do a good double bass beat which is depressing. If a drummer would be found he would replace the Krite and Krite will return to being our manager.

Ahh� Backstabbing. Have you had really bad experiences dealing with labels, fans, managers, whatever, that you can/would like to tell us about?
Yeah man, sadly it happens still and much too often for my taste. This scum has to pay!! you work your ass off to make money to release your shit and some fuckface thinks its alright to ripp you off. I keep a blacklist of people who screwed us over, I do NOT forget. I just keep on the lookout for them at concerts, or on tours if they or us should come close.
Payback will be face to face and the debt will be settled by the fists and steelcap boots. They abused our trust and stole from us, they have only intense hatred to look forward to and being beaten into a fucking pulp.

Hahaha. That�s the attitude!
Have you ever confronted someone who�s ripped you off?

So far ive managed to track down two fuckers, but usually face to face they turn out to be very apologenic �sorry sorry ill get you your stuff etc etc�. These were small fuckers though, the big fish of the people who ripped me off for a few hundred bucks are the ones i hope to catch up with one of these days. I HATE them with a passion!! I can say this, they NEVER expect you to actually look em up!!

And now just a bunch of questions I think are fun to ask, hehe.
Latest record you bought?

Reexamine - Live CDR
Latest record you listened to?
Impaled - Mondo Medicale
Latest book you read?
Conan - The Rogue
Latest show you went to?
Mortician - Baroeg
Crappiest record you've bought?
Some German Deathmetal 7� which was fucking BAD so bad i forgot the name, something that starts with a B, i threw it in the thrash.

If you could erase any person from the history of our planet, who would it be?
Myself i am a worthless slug!!!

If you could just smack, or beat anyone up, without any repercussions, who?

If you could meet, and talk to, any person, dead or alive, who would it be?
Well lets take someone dead because live people you can talk to so would be Jim Henson and talk shop.

If you ever were to commit suicide, how would you do it?
Take my gun, ride into a forest near here and blow a hole in my brain thru my temple. Easy Simple Effective Relatively Painless.

About your record covers and lyrics. You explain your music as �pure splatter B-movie gore�, which means gory lyrics and gory covers, hehe. My girlfriend saw the cover of your Limbless 7�, and she went nuts. �It�s sickening, it�s degrading towards women, it inspires people to commit sickening crimes� etc. How do you respond towards a reaction like that? Is that the kind of reaction you want?
Well it�s like you said, its pure splatter B-movie gore, and the covers are inspired by horror movies, also the song Limbless is about an ex-girlfriend who needs to die because she�s a bitch. And the reaction from the cover, well i guess �thats gruesome �chuckle�, it�s like a horror movie cover, you think damn that looks nasty lets watch it. If Horror movies weren�t gruesome would anybody watch em? NO hahaha. And about the inspiring people to commit sickening crimes and shit, well honestly watch the news, people don�t need my help humanity is completely capable of the most hideous things without my help. Besides we also have female fans and they never complained they see it as good wholesome harmless fun and thats what it is. Our records are mini horror movies so instead of repeating to yourself its only a movie repeat its only a record it's only a record..

Well, I can�t say what her reaction to your answer would be, but I sorta told her the same thing when we discussed it when she first saw the cover. But have you gotten other reactions like that?
Not really we keep our fanbase small and the people who hunt down our shit usually know what we are about and don�t care. However there have been censorship issues, i think soon we will be banned in Germany (not that its hard to get banned there) hahaha they don�t like what we made haha i saw some labels sell our shit and you have to certify your over 18 hahaha fucking funny we are very dangerous i tell you!!!! we make people feed the gremlins after midnight!!!!!. Maybe we can get on the video nasties list soon, make us obscure and banned everywhere. Besides i also can�t be really bothered about those reactions, if you dont like it and hate it don�t buy it it�s a free country and nobody is forcing anybody to like us or buy our shit.

Hahaha� Oh my god. Well, no. It�s definitely not difficult to get censored in Germany, but still annoying, haha!
You know what, Silvester� I�m all out of questions now, or at least I can�t come up with any new ones, hehe. So I suppose we should call it quits, I�ve taken up enough of your time. Thanks a lot for answering my questions, it�s been kick-ass! I wish you all the very best in the future, and please feed someone to Krite for me!
As always this last space is yours. Write whatever you like. Take care!

Hey man thanx for doing an interview with our boring asses it�s much appreciated and it was cool to do. Anybody into B-movie couchpotatoe gore metal visit us at http://www.fondlecorpse.nl and join up with the couchpotatoe army of gore b-movie loving bastards!!!!! Well thanx again man and good luck with your webzine!!!!!